Posts Tagged ‘holidays
An Empty Seat at the Table During Father’s Day – Houston Hospice’s Guide to Grief Support on Special Occasions
Father’s Day is a time for families to celebrate traditions and make memories, but for those mourning the loss of their patriarch or loved one, Father’s Day can be difficult.
Volunteer Sylvia Valverde pictured in Houston Hospice’s Garden in the Texas Medical Center.
For Sylvia Valverde, a retired Houston Independent School District administrator and Houston Hospice volunteer (pictured right), honoring her father’s legacy has helped her through her grief journey.
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Grief During the Holidays: Some Tips
The winter holidays are generally perceived as “the most wonderful time of the year.” But for those who are facing grief after the death of a loved one, the holidays may instead be a time filled with pain and sadness.
Even those for whom grief is not as fresh, the holidays may serve as an annual reminder of the loss—not only of that person, but of tradition and celebration.
Bereavement professionals working in hospice and palliative care understand how difficult this season can be. They support families coping with loss all year long. Bereavement counselors stress the importance of making decisions that feel right to the grieving person, and giving oneself permission to make new or different choices at the holidays.
Experts in Grief offer some tips:
Be Willing to Change Traditions
Holidays often center on certain traditions and rituals. For some, continuing these traditions without a loved one may be an important way to continue sharing their memory. For others, it may be more comforting to develop new rituals to help lessen the pain and immediacy of the loss.
Help Reduce Stress
While the holidays can be filled with meaning, they can also be filled with pressure and stress because of additional tasks such as shopping, baking and decorating. Grieving people should be encouraged to prioritize what needs to be done, and focus on those projects that may bring them pleasure. Perhaps the gift list can be pared down, cards need not be sent out, or another family member can cook the family dinner this year.
Remember those Who Have Died
The holidays can bring opportunities to remember the person who has died in a way that is personally meaningful. Some families choose to participate in holiday events at a local hospice. Others may choose to share special family stories over a meal. Some may find that making a donation to a special charity or volunteering time to help others in need may be a comforting way to honor their loved one.
The professionals at Houston Hospice know of the importance of providing emotional and spiritual support to those who are grieving but most importantly, they remind us that a person grieving should do what’s most comfortable for him or her during this time of year.
Houston Hospice offers a variety of grief support groups as one way to manage grief. All support groups are open to the public at no charge. If you or a loved one need help, please call 713-677-7131 to learn more.
Celebrating Valentine’s Day as a Caretaker
Valentine’s Day is a holiday that people love to love or love to hate. Some people love the idea of having a whole day to celebrate their love for their friends, family, and that special someone. Other people believe Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday to generate card, chocolate and flower sales. Whatever your opinion is, as a caretaker acknowledging Valentine’s Day can benefit your loved one.
If you take away all of the commercialization of Valentine’s Day what is left? The answer is simple- love. Dedicating a whole day of love for the people in your life is a great way to realize how valuable they are. As a caretaker, you are already a laborer of love. Balancing work and family is stressful enough. You choose to become a primary caretaker because of your deep love for your family member or friend.
This Valentine’s Day, take some time to think about the love you have for the friend or family member you are taking care of. In the chaos of trying to create a successful balancing act, it’s easy to forget why you are a caretaker. Think about great memories shared between the two of you and talk about them with your sick loved one. You don’t have to buy flowers, chocolates, or cards to celebrate your love for each other.
Also, don’t forget to celebrate the love you have for yourself. Take a moment to think about your characteristics that make you unique and special. When you love yourself you can love others even more. Don’t let yourself forget your worth or that you are a strong, caring person. Give yourself a giant hug and compliment.
Even though Valentine’s Day can seem a little over the top and excessive, don’t forget the message of love. Let others in your life know that you love them even if it’s a simple phone call or letter. And celebrate the love you have for yourself.
Give the Gift of Listening
- This photo was taken by Andrew Beeston
The holidays are a time of the year when people show their emotions the most. Anger, sadness and joy are some emotions people express during the holidays based on their personal beliefs or past experiences. The holiday season also prompts people to share their true feelings with family and friends whether they are good or bad. Sometimes this includes elderly members of our family who believe their years left are numbered and want to make sure their message is heard.
When we start to hear our grandparents, parents, aunts or uncles talk as if they might pass away very soon it can be hard to accept, especially around the holidays. We do not want to think this could be their last family holiday function because it puts a damper on the celebration. If you find yourself in a similar situation with a family member over the holidays, here are a few tips I have gathered from my experience working in hospice.
Actively Listen
If your loved one wants to tell a story or have a serious conversation with you, give him or her, your full, undivided attention and listen. One of the biggest fears we face with death is the possibility of being forgotten. The stories that we have can be passed around and shared with our family for generations. It can be reassuring to your loved one that he or she will be remembered. So, even though you may be hearing grandpa’s fishing story for the 100th time, listen again and tell him that you’ll pass his story on to your grandkids one day.
Ask Questions
When family members begin to open up and speak as if they have a short time left in their life, ask them questions. This shows them that you care about the life they have lived and that they are significant to you. Ask them for advice and to share the life lessons they have learned. This will make them feel needed and that they are still valued and respected.
Build Support
If a family member feels as if his or her days are numbered, talk to your other family members about it. Building a strong support system with other family members will help ease the pain when a death occurs. Sharing different views and perspectives can also provide a large retrospect about how one person can affect so many lives in different ways. Grandpa’s fishing story may mean one thing to you but something completely different to your cousin. Communicating with other family members can teach you something you never knew about your sick family member.
The holiday season can be an overwhelming time. Always be sure to take time and listen to a family member or friend who is trying to be heard. Make them feel important and that their message will never be forgotten. Be patient while listening to the same story for the 100th time and maybe one day someone will do the same for you. Have a safe and wonderful holiday season.
Hospice During the Holidays
When a family member is admitted into hospice care, a variety of emotions come into play. Fear, sadness, anger and relief are felt at any given moment and can often lead to confusion and dismay. During the holidays, these emotions can peak and we can sometimes lose sight of the positives hospice care offers.
First of all, hospice care provides an environment where it is safe to say goodbye. When a patient agrees to hospice care, he or she is giving you permission to say farewell. Family members and friends can focus on their loved one and each other. Also, having family and friends around can offer great validation for those who are having difficulty with the farewell process.
In addition, hospice can bring together the patient’s family members and friends. During a difficult time, most families become stronger than ever. They support one another and tend to let go of petty arguments that occurred in the past. Also, family members spend more time together while a family member is in hospice care. They form a bond knowing that they are all going through this process together.
Also, hospice provides a place to relive precious holiday memories as a family. The patient gets to enjoy stories from a variety of friends and family members about holiday traditions and funny memories. This is a great way for the patient and the patient’s family to focus on positive thoughts. Sharing funny holiday stories can help lighten the mood and provide relief to the family members and friends who are nervous or uncomfortable.
And finally, hospice allows you to see the kindness strangers can offer. Volunteers and nurses do not stop working during the holiday season and often sacrifice holidays to take care of patients. A hospice staff understands how difficult losing a close friend or family member can be during the holidays. They provide extra support, extra attention and extra kindness to family members during the holiday season. Witnessing these extra efforts can make you appreciate how caring strangers can be at a time in need.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is never an easy task and during the holidays it can be more difficult. Remember to try to focus on the positives and don’t be afraid to form a support group of family members and friends. Understand that the hospice staff is there to comfort you and to help you during the holidays. Treasure the precious moments you have with your loved ones, share cherished memories and appreciate the impact the patient’s life has had on you.