Posts Tagged ‘illness
Celebrating Valentine’s Day as a Caretaker
Valentine’s Day is a holiday that people love to love or love to hate. Some people love the idea of having a whole day to celebrate their love for their friends, family, and that special someone. Other people believe Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday to generate card, chocolate and flower sales. Whatever your opinion is, as a caretaker acknowledging Valentine’s Day can benefit your loved one.
If you take away all of the commercialization of Valentine’s Day what is left? The answer is simple- love. Dedicating a whole day of love for the people in your life is a great way to realize how valuable they are. As a caretaker, you are already a laborer of love. Balancing work and family is stressful enough. You choose to become a primary caretaker because of your deep love for your family member or friend.
This Valentine’s Day, take some time to think about the love you have for the friend or family member you are taking care of. In the chaos of trying to create a successful balancing act, it’s easy to forget why you are a caretaker. Think about great memories shared between the two of you and talk about them with your sick loved one. You don’t have to buy flowers, chocolates, or cards to celebrate your love for each other.
Also, don’t forget to celebrate the love you have for yourself. Take a moment to think about your characteristics that make you unique and special. When you love yourself you can love others even more. Don’t let yourself forget your worth or that you are a strong, caring person. Give yourself a giant hug and compliment.
Even though Valentine’s Day can seem a little over the top and excessive, don’t forget the message of love. Let others in your life know that you love them even if it’s a simple phone call or letter. And celebrate the love you have for yourself.
Give the Gift of Listening
- This photo was taken by Andrew Beeston
The holidays are a time of the year when people show their emotions the most. Anger, sadness and joy are some emotions people express during the holidays based on their personal beliefs or past experiences. The holiday season also prompts people to share their true feelings with family and friends whether they are good or bad. Sometimes this includes elderly members of our family who believe their years left are numbered and want to make sure their message is heard.
When we start to hear our grandparents, parents, aunts or uncles talk as if they might pass away very soon it can be hard to accept, especially around the holidays. We do not want to think this could be their last family holiday function because it puts a damper on the celebration. If you find yourself in a similar situation with a family member over the holidays, here are a few tips I have gathered from my experience working in hospice.
Actively Listen
If your loved one wants to tell a story or have a serious conversation with you, give him or her, your full, undivided attention and listen. One of the biggest fears we face with death is the possibility of being forgotten. The stories that we have can be passed around and shared with our family for generations. It can be reassuring to your loved one that he or she will be remembered. So, even though you may be hearing grandpa’s fishing story for the 100th time, listen again and tell him that you’ll pass his story on to your grandkids one day.
Ask Questions
When family members begin to open up and speak as if they have a short time left in their life, ask them questions. This shows them that you care about the life they have lived and that they are significant to you. Ask them for advice and to share the life lessons they have learned. This will make them feel needed and that they are still valued and respected.
Build Support
If a family member feels as if his or her days are numbered, talk to your other family members about it. Building a strong support system with other family members will help ease the pain when a death occurs. Sharing different views and perspectives can also provide a large retrospect about how one person can affect so many lives in different ways. Grandpa’s fishing story may mean one thing to you but something completely different to your cousin. Communicating with other family members can teach you something you never knew about your sick family member.
The holiday season can be an overwhelming time. Always be sure to take time and listen to a family member or friend who is trying to be heard. Make them feel important and that their message will never be forgotten. Be patient while listening to the same story for the 100th time and maybe one day someone will do the same for you. Have a safe and wonderful holiday season.
The American Perception of Death
This photo was taken by jimmedia at www.flickr.com
Over the past 100 years, the word “death,” in American culture has almost become a politically incorrect term. Think about it. What do people usually say after a death? He is no longer with us. He has passed away. He is in a better place. Rarely, do you hear someone say, “he has died.” Why is this? Are we being sensitive to the subject, or have we become afraid of the word death?
Different cultures and religions around the world have their own views about death. Most religions believe a spirit leaves the body after death and moves on to another place such as heaven or reincarnation. To acknowledge this act, most cultures have a strict ritual that takes place to insure the spirit has the appropriate journey to its final destination.
Within the past 100 years, the process of how people live out their final days has changed. Before, loved ones would pass away in the comfort of their own homes and families. A couple of close family members were primary caregivers and they used their own medical cures and treatments rather than a doctor’s. The modern healthcare movement has placed more terminally ill patients in hospitals instead of the patients’ home.
With the rise of hospices in the nation, it seems Americans are trying to learn how to accept death rather than defeat it. A hospice is designed to treat the patient, not the illness. This simple idea relieves a lot of stress from the patients and their families because the victory in a hospice is not beating the illness, but accepting it, along with the death that follows.
Getting to the point of accepting and understanding death is something that can only be done through communication and education. Having someone close to share your emotions and beliefs about death without sparking a debate can help you become more comfortable with the subject. Also, educating yourself about cultures’ perspectives of death can help enrich your understanding and help bring closure.